Making Space for Neurodiversity this Holiday Season
by Emily Kibler | December 20, 2024
Neurodivergent: An umbrella term that contains neurodevelopmental disabilities like Autism and ADHD that affect how a person’s brain processes information and interacts with the world.
Whether you love the holidays or dread this time of year, one thing that most people can agree on is that December is a month of change. From the big change that happens as 2024 becomes 2025 to the smaller changes in schedules and increased social engagements, there is a reason that this is considered a “season.”
Even if you personally don’t celebrate or have plans for the holidays, the world itself becomes a different place during December.
For many people, including some neurodivergent individuals, this can be an exciting change of pace, especially with breaks from school and work (for some). However, that doesn’t mean that it is always easy to manage these changes.
While it can be fun to experience the holiday music and decorations in every store, this level of overstimulation might lead people to need more time to themselves to recharge. Someone who may normally be able to manage loud restaurants might request to stay away from certain places during the holidays. This doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy the holiday season; it just means that they might have more concerns than you know about.
Before diving into recommendations, it is important to remember that all neurodivergent people are individuals who have their own concerns and preferences. There is no way to provide a simple guide for accommodating for all neurodivergent individuals during the holidays; the best we can do is to make sure all people are thinking about neurodivergence when planning for the holidays.
Also, remember that neurodivergent adults exist and need to be considered too. Often, people overlook the fact that neurodivergent adults still deal with the same emotions and stresses that they had when they were younger. When adults do not receive the same considerations in regards to their needs and accommodations, they might pull away from holiday celebrations to make life easier for themselves. Friends and family members can help people in this situation regain the holiday spirit by following the steps listed below.
1. Create a Plan
Whether you are neurodivergent yourself or planning for a neurodivergent person in your life, the best way to prepare for the holidays is to create a plan. A common mistake many people make is not involving neurodivergent people in the planning process; this misses a great opportunity for allowing people to advocate for their own needs and prepare for outings and events.
Many neurodivergent people rely on schedules to manage their social and physical energy. Any changes to the expected can send them spiraling with anxiety and discomfort. A way to get around this is to create a plan for how the day is expected to go and communicate any changes that might be anticipated. If your plans are deviating from traditions, explain that ahead of time so that they have adequate time to mentally prepare.
If changes happen last-minute, inform the neurodivergent person as soon as possible and give them space to feel any negative emotions. Validate that you know how hard it is for them and give them something concrete to hold onto.
For example: “We aren’t going to be able to make it to your grandparents’ today. I know you were looking forward to that. Would it help you if we made cookies here instead?“
2. Allow Neurodivergent People to Advocate for Themselves
Try to avoid forcing anyone, neurodivergent or not, to celebrate in way they are uncomfortable with. This doesn’t necessarily mean completely changing your plans because one person said they don’t want to participate; normally, there are small adjustments that might make a big difference for someone’s comfort level. Ask the person what changes could be made to make them feel more comfortable. This might be as simple as allowing them to step away if they need breaks or bringing sensory tools to help them if they get overstimulated.
Encourage people to explain their needs and comfort levels, and work with them to find a solution that works for everyone. Involving the person in planning discussions allows them to feel power and control in situations that might normally be overwhelming and scary. It also gives you an opportunity to explain why certain traditions and activities are important to you, helping them understand your perspective if they feel uncomfortable. That being said, this should never be used in place of accommodations as a way to guilt someone into doing something they don’t want to do, but it can help balance everyone’s needs.
3. Understand That You May Not Understand
No matter how many plans and accommodations a person creates during the holiday season, there are still added pressures they will have to manage. One of the most supportive things you can do for a neurodivergent person is to accept that you might never fully understand their experience. While you can work to learn about their challenges, it’s impossible to completely grasp what it’s like to live in a world that isn’t built for their needs.
One of the most disheartening comments you can say to people with all kinds of disabilities is “everyone deals with that.” While this is usually meant to be encouraging, it minimizes the unique struggles that someone is facing and can make them feel like a failure for not being better at life.
Instead, listen to their concerns, make adjustments where possible, and show that you are doing your best to make the world more manageable for them.
Takeaway
Everyone deserves to enjoy themselves during this time of year. By making small, thoughtful changes, you could give someone the best present of all: to be seen and loved for who they are.
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